"At times, home is nowhere. At times, one knows only extreme estrangement and alienation. Then home is no longer just one place. It is locations. Home is that place which enables and promotes varied and ever-changing perspectives, a place where one discovers new ways of seeing reality." -bell hooks
i like that. a lot. i think i've been waiting for it. it's nice to find good quotes that do a better job of explaining how you feel than yourself.
i've become homesick for a place i haven't considered to be my home in over two years. i think it's because i subconsciously know that i'm about to move further away. and as much as i might try to pretend to be "above" or past dallas, i still love a lot of things about that city. and i guess i kind of love my family too. things have been going well in that department. it happens every few years. hah.
everyone from the law firm keeps asking me what i'm gonna do until i start graduate school. GO TO EUROPE! GO TO SOUTH AMERICA! GO TO ALASKA! they keep telling me. go live freely. use your credit card and worry about the costs later. you won't regret it! they keep saying.
is this all a big fucking joke?
Friday, June 20, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
stopstopstopstop
today sucked. everything about it sucked. which blows because i had such a good weekend.
won $120 from a scratch-off my dad made me buy.
lovely dinner/symphony date with ana (the true dallas socialite).
land mines with diane and friends.
sex and the city movie (again)
SEEESTER CAME HOME.
Rilo Kiley with seeester.
Got to meet THAO
(ok, the last one is not true, but we were standing right next to her and the respective get down stay down. sarah and i decided we have girl crushes on both thao and jenny lewis. this conversation made me happy).
oh, and this guy is ridiculous. in a good way. sarah is going to marry him. somehow. can't wait for him to meet my gramma.
won $120 from a scratch-off my dad made me buy.
lovely dinner/symphony date with ana (the true dallas socialite).
land mines with diane and friends.
sex and the city movie (again)
SEEESTER CAME HOME.
Rilo Kiley with seeester.
Got to meet THAO
(ok, the last one is not true, but we were standing right next to her and the respective get down stay down. sarah and i decided we have girl crushes on both thao and jenny lewis. this conversation made me happy).
oh, and this guy is ridiculous. in a good way. sarah is going to marry him. somehow. can't wait for him to meet my gramma.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
i wear my sunglasses at night
one of the first 3 things i do every morning when i wake up is look at asofterworld. i forgot to today, but i'm glad i found this when i looked this evening. it's one of the better ones i've seen in a while. it's cute.
i've been having an internal meltdown thinking about all that is about to change in the next month or so and how i need to prepare for it (i know a lot of you are too, maybe more justifiably than myself). now more than ever, i feel like i'm not really serving any sort of purpose, which makes it hard to get up everyday with a smile. something happened though that made me stop and remember not to take anything for granted the last few weeks or months i'm here...
monday through friday, i run errands for the law firm i work for. the bank, the courthouse, restaurants, office depot, etc. it's all veeerry exciting. everyday i drive to the same bank and sit in the same "commercial only" line, give them the bank bag and wait for that day's deposits to be processed. everyday, the same guy says, "we'll have that right out for you" and when he does, i drive off to continue my errands.
but today, the day i was most particularly mapping a route to the nearest bridge in my head, he looked at me through the heavy glass and said, "hey, i've been meaning to tell you, i really like your sunglasses." it took me so by surprise that i actually said, "excuse me?" he appeared to be talking to me, but you know how the drive through at the bank is; you can never really be sure if the teller's talking to you or the minivan in the lane over. he just smiled and said, "yeah, i really like them, and i've always wanted to tell you, but i never did. i'm buying a pair on friday when i get paid."
of course the superficial narcissist side of me grinned because i knew he thought my sunglasses were ray-bans, but i smiled because all these months i figured that i was just another random bank customer to him, just as he was some random bank teller to me (no, i don't have a crush on the bank teller). turns out, he noticed that i come everyday.
and he likes my sunglasses.
i've been having an internal meltdown thinking about all that is about to change in the next month or so and how i need to prepare for it (i know a lot of you are too, maybe more justifiably than myself). now more than ever, i feel like i'm not really serving any sort of purpose, which makes it hard to get up everyday with a smile. something happened though that made me stop and remember not to take anything for granted the last few weeks or months i'm here...
monday through friday, i run errands for the law firm i work for. the bank, the courthouse, restaurants, office depot, etc. it's all veeerry exciting. everyday i drive to the same bank and sit in the same "commercial only" line, give them the bank bag and wait for that day's deposits to be processed. everyday, the same guy says, "we'll have that right out for you" and when he does, i drive off to continue my errands.
but today, the day i was most particularly mapping a route to the nearest bridge in my head, he looked at me through the heavy glass and said, "hey, i've been meaning to tell you, i really like your sunglasses." it took me so by surprise that i actually said, "excuse me?" he appeared to be talking to me, but you know how the drive through at the bank is; you can never really be sure if the teller's talking to you or the minivan in the lane over. he just smiled and said, "yeah, i really like them, and i've always wanted to tell you, but i never did. i'm buying a pair on friday when i get paid."
of course the superficial narcissist side of me grinned because i knew he thought my sunglasses were ray-bans, but i smiled because all these months i figured that i was just another random bank customer to him, just as he was some random bank teller to me (no, i don't have a crush on the bank teller). turns out, he noticed that i come everyday.
and he likes my sunglasses.
Monday, June 9, 2008
i can't find my cell phone. meh.
Never can believe how much fun we're having,
Can't believe how much fun we're having,
Never can believe how much fun we're having
it took me a while to do so, but i finally downloaded the entire new presets album. definitely some songs i enjoy more than others, but that one is my favorite so far. i've been waiting and waiting for an opportunity to hear them in a way that didn't involve my ipod or my poor, little computer speakers and friday night was the best possible way for that to happen.
best dance party i've been to in a long time, maybe ever.
the lack of air conditioning meant a considerable amount of water weight was probably lost by everyone involved, but i can say with complete certainty that it was very much worth it. i didn't even know that things like that could go on in little old bryan, texas, but they do and it did, in what i can only compare to andy warhol's factory.
i realized that my dance moves consist of a more aggressive step/clap combo, with some flailing arms and stomping thrown in.
i also have a tendency to try and copy more advanced dancers, and this is not unnoticed.
everyone looks like a badass when strobe lights are involved.
kidnapping is still very fun.
to misc: thank you for a lovely dinner and optimistic/forward attitudes, thank you for artwork and reggae music, thank you for not charging me a cover to halo at 1:40am, thank you for driving, thank you for kegs of ziegenbach, thank you for zombie movies from the '60s, thank you for good conversation about how we want to change the world, but just don't know where to start (or maybe we're just too lazy).
Can't believe how much fun we're having,
Never can believe how much fun we're having
it took me a while to do so, but i finally downloaded the entire new presets album. definitely some songs i enjoy more than others, but that one is my favorite so far. i've been waiting and waiting for an opportunity to hear them in a way that didn't involve my ipod or my poor, little computer speakers and friday night was the best possible way for that to happen.
best dance party i've been to in a long time, maybe ever.
the lack of air conditioning meant a considerable amount of water weight was probably lost by everyone involved, but i can say with complete certainty that it was very much worth it. i didn't even know that things like that could go on in little old bryan, texas, but they do and it did, in what i can only compare to andy warhol's factory.
i realized that my dance moves consist of a more aggressive step/clap combo, with some flailing arms and stomping thrown in.
i also have a tendency to try and copy more advanced dancers, and this is not unnoticed.
everyone looks like a badass when strobe lights are involved.
kidnapping is still very fun.
to misc: thank you for a lovely dinner and optimistic/forward attitudes, thank you for artwork and reggae music, thank you for not charging me a cover to halo at 1:40am, thank you for driving, thank you for kegs of ziegenbach, thank you for zombie movies from the '60s, thank you for good conversation about how we want to change the world, but just don't know where to start (or maybe we're just too lazy).
Thursday, June 5, 2008
we've learned the elevating trick
i love when my itunes is on shuffle and plays a song that i haven't heard in ages that i at one point was obsessed with. it immediately takes me back to that time in my life and i'm filled with the all the emotions that came along with it (this could obviously end up being a bad thing too, but luckily this time it was anything but).
i could almost trick myself into believing that i was actually back in austin, driving down random downtown streets, talking to random people, singing and smiling as wide as any person could. i could expend so much hope waiting for more moments like that. and i do.
You’re such a mystery I just want to stand and stare
Nibble on your ear and smell the ocean in your hair
You know you damage me you leave me tangled in a knot
But when you reappear I see Neptunian blues that eyes forgot
Neptunian blues that eyes forgot
I only feel alive when the vu’s flashing alarms going off in my head
I want to grab you and just kiss you maybe I should sit down
No sense in cashing us now
Still I only feel alright when the vu’s flashing bombs going off in my head
I want to grab you want to scream at you no icing me down
The party’s crashing us now
The party’s crashing us now
Oh well we made love like a pair of black wizards
You freed me from the past you fucked the suburbs out of me
And all those ugly days that made us so sick
They are just fossils now we’ve learned the elevating trick
We’ve learned the elevating trick
*if you haven't figured it out yet, cory this was for you :)
i could almost trick myself into believing that i was actually back in austin, driving down random downtown streets, talking to random people, singing and smiling as wide as any person could. i could expend so much hope waiting for more moments like that. and i do.
You’re such a mystery I just want to stand and stare
Nibble on your ear and smell the ocean in your hair
You know you damage me you leave me tangled in a knot
But when you reappear I see Neptunian blues that eyes forgot
Neptunian blues that eyes forgot
I only feel alive when the vu’s flashing alarms going off in my head
I want to grab you and just kiss you maybe I should sit down
No sense in cashing us now
Still I only feel alright when the vu’s flashing bombs going off in my head
I want to grab you want to scream at you no icing me down
The party’s crashing us now
The party’s crashing us now
Oh well we made love like a pair of black wizards
You freed me from the past you fucked the suburbs out of me
And all those ugly days that made us so sick
They are just fossils now we’ve learned the elevating trick
We’ve learned the elevating trick
*if you haven't figured it out yet, cory this was for you :)
Sunday, June 1, 2008
got my indignation but I'm pure in all my thoughts. i'm alive...
still in richardson. might be having emergency dental surgery tomorrow or the next day. my mouth hurts. i'm mad at my orthodontist for lying to me. i have a wisdom tooth that is fucking up some shit right now. please someone give me some codeine.
on a more positive note, this weekend has been a lot of fun.
family dinners have been bearably awkward.
got to catch up with friends.
got to read by the pool.
sex and the city movie was wonderful (i hate all of my clothes).
i now own a microwave.
one day i'll learn how to post videos and such, but probably not.
on a more positive note, this weekend has been a lot of fun.
family dinners have been bearably awkward.
got to catch up with friends.
got to read by the pool.
sex and the city movie was wonderful (i hate all of my clothes).
i now own a microwave.
one day i'll learn how to post videos and such, but probably not.
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